Micro What?

Posted in Dr Mikes Personal Observations,Relationships,stress by DrMikePosey on November 20, 2007

Ever have those times when it seems like everyone is coming down on your butt? Those times when people in your professional and/or personal life try to micro-manage every detail of what you do and who you are? It happens to everyone. No one is immune to this. It will happen many times over a lifetime and we all know this. We all will also play the role of micro-managers at one or more times in our lives. It’s part of life and it comes in spurts at various levels in various segments of our lives. At times we and others are very engaged…too engaged in things…and at times we are disengaged …sometimes too disengaged.

How do we deal with it when it happens to us? This is the question. At first, our initial reaction may be one of anger. “How can this person tell me what to do” is what we say to ourselves. “What right do they have to act this way” we ask ourselves. It is doubly difficult when this micro-management comes from loved ones or good friends. We wonder why they are doing this. We wonder who they turned into. We wonder why this person is power-tripping! A whole host of emotions come into play. Anger, rage, fear, sadness, abandonment, etc…these feelings eat away at us…they sometimes consume us and cause massive amounts of stress and worry. We want to yell…we want to curl up and cry…all of these emotions are present when we feel like we are not in control of our lives and someone else is or is trying to control us.

Oftentimes small things get blown out of proportion when we are being micro-manged. They get blown out of proportion by all parties involved and it becomes a situation where people can’t see the forest for the self-constructed trees they have put up. Escalation occurs and pretty soon people don’t know what they are arguing about. This often leads to unfortunate and unintended consequences and whether or not they realize it at the time, EVERY one involved on ALL sides ultimately suffers. Maybe one person suffers immediately, but sooner or later all parties suffer emotionally and otherwise.

Micro-management in one’s personal or professional life is basically an issue of trust. We don’t micro-manage the ones we trust. Period. When trust is broken or even when it is not broken in reality but it’s perceived to be broken, everyoe has a tendency to control at the smallest of levels. This ultimately never works. History has shown that all micro-managers be they personal-life micro managers or professional-life micro managers may gain in the short term, but in the long term they do not. It’s just like our mothers told us when we were kids. That cookie may taste sweet now but in a few years your teeth will be rotting away and you’ll be left with nothing.

It’s true. I’ve micro-managed before. I’ve been with left with nothing. I’ve had relationships at work and at home go bad and never recover because of my instance on control and micro-managing.

It’s true. I’ve been micro-managed before. I’ve been left in the lurch and have been cast aside due to micro-management. Again, I was left with nothing to do but pick up the pieces of something that was once good.

I don’t know why I’m talking about this honestly but these words and thoughts seemed to come out so very easily and fluently today that I had to share. I guess at this time of Thanksgiving, it’s so important to be thankful for what we have and for all of the good things in our lives. I preach this in my podcasts and in my public speaking. Be thankful for those people in your lives…those situations that seem unimportant in our lives but are really the important things …those times of change that suck when we are going through them but ultimately move us (if we let it) to a better and higher and more informed plane of existence. Ultimately unless we commit the most heinous crime like murder or rape, etc…nothing is so bad that we cannot forgive and move beyond it to live a much fuller and happier life with others. It’s true that 95% of the things that we think are “major” and we get so upset about are things that ultimately aren’t THAT bad to begin with.

B e thankful, forgive, love, and try to keep it down with the micro-management crap ok!