A big shout out to all of the ladies of CardnialHealth! I spoke to their organization about “Dealing with Change” today. This is my second time speaking in front of this group of extraordinary women and I have to say that I always find them engaging and a wonderful audience! The leadership of CardinalHealth should be VERY proud of their Administrative Assistants as they are a high-quality and dedicated group of human beings. Keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing you all a third time!!
Ok…so it’s been awhile since I have posted. You wouldn’t believe what has been happening in my personal life. So many things…some good but a lot that have been bad. Yes that’s right even a motivational guy like me has a lot of crap happen to him. Like I’ve said in my previous posts…it’s inevitable that from time to time we are all going to feel like the world has come crashing down. Well guess what – my world crashed a bit but I’m still here to tell about it. Actually, I’m not going to talk about it specifically because who wants to hear my sob story. What I will do though is to talk about how to handle things when you get crapped on.
One of my favorite quotes is one where I don’t even know the original author! I wish I did because I would (1) attribute the quote to him/her every time I use it, and (2) thank them for such a plain and simple and deeply important quotation. Suffice it to say that if anyone knows who originally wrote this quotation, please let me know!
Gee…I built this quotation up quite a bit here so I guess I better talk about it huh? The quote is about crap. Yes…that little word that is usually known by it’s other more profane term. Ya’ll know what I mean. Here is the quote:
“When someone throws a bucket of crap at you, step aside and let the crap hit the wall. If you don’t then the crap will hit you and you’ll feel crappy.”
WHAT A GREAT QUOTATION!! This makes so much sense! When you read this little ditty, you realize how profound the term crap can really be. You realize the truth to this quote and how you can relate to it! Let’s dissect this quote shall we.. .
(1) “When someone throws a bucket of crap at you…” How many times in life have you had people dump their problems on you? People come up to us everyday and try to dump their problems, bad-attitudes, and headaches onto us. It’s a part of life. “I’m feeling bad so I’m going to make everyone else feel bad” is what many people think. Or “I forgot to do this so now it’s your problem that I’m rushed and we’re late.” Many times people transpose their issues onto us.
The funny thing is though that a lot of times we stand there and take it! We let the crap get thrown right onto us without doing anything! We take on others’ problems and we absorb them into us like we’re some sort of huge crap-absorbing sponge. We then turn around and rationalize to our selves that it’s good to “be there” for our friends or that we are a “good friend” because we help others with their issues. “My friends all love me because I listen to their problems” we say. These are all admirable traits, however, I will ask you to think about whether or not you help friends deal with their issues or whether or not you actually TAKE ON their problems and in turn get more stressed and wigged out because of it. Many times we think we are helping our friends or loved ones but we end up taking on their issues/problems…or crap and internalizing it and being part of their drama. We do this without even realizing it. One minute we are being a concerned friend – the next minute we are feeling lousy because WE now have internalized our friend’s problem. We shouldn’t let people dump on us. Listening is good. Empathizing with a friend about their problems is appropriate, however, fully taking on their problem is never a good thing. In many ways this throwing a bucket of crap on you is like passing the buck (the problem) onto you so that the “thrower” doesn’t have to worry about it anymore while you now have all the drama and they are drama free.
So what do you do…well that’s where the next part of the quotations comes in –
(2) “Step aside and let the crap hit the wall!” – This is self explanatory really. When someone dumps on you it’s ok to listen, to empathize, and to “be there” for them, however, as they dump their problems on you or try to pass the buck – DO NOT let those problems or dramas or stresses become part of you!! Reflect back to them, offer suggestions or possible solutions but don’t do it yourself. Provide help but keep perspective on whose problem it really is. Don’t volunteer to take on their problems. Don’t, don’t, don’t! Why not? Well that’s where the next part of the quotation comes in –
(3) “If you don’t then the crap will hit you and you’ll feel crappy.” – Here the sage who wrote this is saying that by taking on someone else’s problems we then have their problems PLUS our problems! Double whammy! Not good. You don’t want to feel crappy. You cannot be there for someone to help them find solutions to their problems, etc…if you are feeling crappy now can you?
I guess what I’m trying to say about all of this is that it is great to be a friend. It is great to help people but there is a time, a place, and a level at which that help can be given. Know your limits and know that you will not take on the dramas of others. Know that you can step aside and let the crap hit the wall and know that their problem is not your problem.
In the everyday workplace this happens a lot. Someone is in a bad mood and they project this onto everyone they come in contact with (ie. throwing buckets of crap). When someone does this at a store or at work or somewhere…do as the quote says…step aside and let their bad mood go right by you. If you don’t then it is guaranteed that their bad mood will rub off on you! Don’t let it!
For much more on this topic check out Episode 19 of the Motivational Mojo Show!