It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. 9 months to be exact. Those of you who follow me, know that I’m very active on Twitter and on other social media sites so this blog has basically developed a bad case of the cobwebs. I’ll blow the cobwebs off for now and write a little something here for old-time’s sake. Well it’s been a great year… I continue to be amazed by my children who are doing things I can only dream of and who, every day teach me something about my past, present, and future. It’s been a transformative few years to say the least and, in many ways, I think I’ve learned more in the past 3 years than I did in the 42 prior to that! I read a psych book recently where the author contended (and had some studies to back him up) that American males actually mature after age 43…he asserted that “it” finally hits males somewhere in their early 40’s. Maturity levels rise, stress eases, patience blossoms, etc… well I believe him! That’s all I have to say.
I also believe that I’ve learned so much from my children. They teach me every day that life is about so much more than what I thought it was about. Like most parents, I think my kids are the greatest. After all, isn’t that what being a parent is about…doting on about your kids. Well I feel that God has blessed me so richly in that department and continues to bless me with amazing children who teach me much.
My oldest, Brandon, is a Junior in college and recently finished up a Summer fellowship at Clemson in Computer Science. His calm demeanor and disciplined work-ethic always remind me that that slow and steady is a very positive way of doing things. My son Zachary, freshly back from a summer mission trip in Eastern Europe is making his own way in college and showing me the value of love, compassion, and understanding those who are different. My daughter Meg whose passion for acting has, among other things, won her a spot on a PBS kids show demonstrates how one’s passions in life will always pay off if you try hard enough. My step-son Adrian who just began kindergarten reminds me every day of the need for order in life and my littlest daughter Piper who will turn 2 early next year, reinforces within me how wondrous and amazing life truly can be when seen from the eyes of an innocent child. To her there is no hate, no malice, no game…to Piper there is just living life to the fullest and exploring and enjoying every day.
My kids teach me every day. I’m very thankful for them for they are the ones who truly teach me what life is about!
Happy New Year!!! Welcome to 2012 everyone! Well this year should be interesting right? It’s a new year and if you believe the popular culture and myth surrounding the year 2012, it’s the last year we all have here on Earth! Yikes!! Wow…that came quickly. I haven’t even finished the front yard landscaping!
Actually, I’m not here to debate whether or not the world will, in fact, meet it’s demise, nor do I want to get started down that path. But the fact that it is 2012 and we are now inundated with so many prophecies, movies, songs, images, etc… about 2012 being the end, caused me to think…
…what IF this were my last year on Earth and I knew it? What if? Would I do anything differently? Would I act differently? What kinds of experiences would I seek out? Would I be open to new ideas and experiences? In other words, how would I live my last days? I could get specific here and list all of the things I would want to do, but I don’t want to bore you so suffice it to say that I would definitely LIVE! In fact, I would do those things that I’ve always wanted to do but have been putting off. I would be the person I always wanted to be. I wouldn’t be fearful of some things and/or waste time on others.
Ok…so this got me thinking further… why would I do those things that I mentioned above only if I knew this would be my last year? Why aren’t I doing those things anyway?? Why aren’t I pursuing my dreams, my passions, and being the person that I truly want to be? Why aren’t I doing it NOW? What am I waiting for?
So what does this all mean to you? It simply means that you should enjoy the moment…be IN the moment and let it take you…define you…be part of you. What you experience today you should embrace, take in as much as possible and be the person you truly want to be using what you experience. Don’t be afraid to learn new and, perhaps different view-points and knowledge. Don’t be afraid to seek out new and, perhaps heretofore, unthinkable experiences. Take what you want/need from those differing opinions and experiences and mold them into something that uniquely serves you. That is uniquely yours. It’s important in life to be both living in the moment and planning for one’s future…to do one or the other will not completely serve you. To do both will help you live a happy and prosperous life. Regardless of what others tell us, we truly don’t know when the end will be. When our own, individual end will be. Because life is a crap shoot, we must live life to the fullest…suck everything you can out of life and enjoy it…be it…consume it…contribute to it…and in the words of the famous Nike slogan – just do it!!! What are you waiting for? Live!!!
Like I’ve talked about in previous posts, in life we all have mosaics to build…build yours any way you want to using what you have learned and experienced. Who knows when the world will end but until then, you might as well live!
My best for the new year,
I admit it. I’m in a unique position. Well at least to me it’s unique. With 4 children of my own, and a step-son of differing ages, I have a front-row seat to life and a front-row seat to many lessons learned! Yep. I said it…I learn so much from my kids. They are amazing teachers! In the past couple of months I have had my oldest child complete his first year of college while my youngest child was just born!
On the one end of the spectrum, my oldest son Brandon completed his first year of college with flying colors. He’s majoring in Computer Science and Mathematics and, although his courses were grueling, he stuck it out, had the discipline he needed, and sacrificed to complete his first year with a phenomenal grade-point average. I see in my son, patience, discipline, and the wherewithal to see something through. I admire him for that and am reminded every day of how important those traits are in a person.
My youngest daughter, Piper was just born and is such a joy for all of our family. As a baby, she sees everything with a smile and wide eyes. She takes it all in and tries to make sense of it all. You can see it in her amazing little expressions…you can hear it in her coos and vocal sounds. She represents what we all love …the innocence of life…the wonderment of our world. That untainted wonderment and excitement about life and all that it has to offer is a side of us that we all should relish and be one with from time to time.
These two milestones this year have changed me in ways that I cannot possibly describe. I am truly blessed. My son, Zack is a senior in high school this year and is plotting his way in the world after school…his faith and his convictions lead him and I admire him for that. My daughter Meg is just beginning her high school career and is such a talented actress and twirler that I see in her how to follow your passions in life and do the things you love. My step-son Adrian is busy taking in all that pre-school has to offer and his ability to see spatial concepts reminds me to periodically stop and take a look around and see how things fit together and what they mean.
In life, there will be turmoil and there will be hurt and pain. Looking through the eyes of children can ofttimes see us through and give us perspective. My life has had its share of stormy weather and with people throwing negatives but with the strength and insight my children have given me, I’ve been truly blessed to be able to move through the clouds of yesteryear and be in the spot I’m in now. It’s a spot I relish and one for which I am truly thankful.
I love you kids! Thanks for teaching me the right stuff!
Ok…so you can see it has been a number of months since I’ve posted here. I’m a regular tweeter and post to Facebook constantly. But here…my blog…the place where the muse is supposed to come out regularly and spill fourth deep thought and provocative commentary…here on my blog…the muse seems to be on hiatus. Not sure why but micro-blogging on Facebook and tweeting my random thoughts has become the venue for my muse lately. You’ll find me on Twitter under @drmikeposey and on Facebook. Until the muse returns from it’s mysterious hiatus…I’ll see you on twitter.
Once again the season is upon us. It’s the season of joy, happiness, and giving. It’s a season of wonder and hope for the new year. It’s a season to show others that you love and care for them. Take time this holiday season to relfect on who you are, what you have been, where you are going, and what you want to truly be. Be true to yourself and you will naturally be true to others. Have faith in yourself and your abilities and you will naturally have faith in others. Enjoy the moment for what it is to you and not for what others try to make it be.
Happy Holidays to You and Your Loved Ones!
All of these terms have been used when asking this question. “How do you deal with loss?” I’ve been asked this many times and, being human, I’ve also had my share of heart-wrenching losses. Loss is never an easy thing. Whether we lose a game or a competition, a favorite or dear possession, or – the worse loss of all – a loved one… it is never easy. In fact it hurts like hell!!
Loss effects us in so many ways and each loss is different. There are obviously levels of loss depending on what is lost. Losing your favorite ball cap is obviously different than losing your grandpa. Losing the love of your life hurts much more than losing your job.
You get the point…LOSING ANYTHING SUCKS BIG TIME! The fact is that, like it or not, we live in a finite world. There are only so many things to go around and all living organisms will die. In today’s busy society, people ebb and flow constantly and come into our lives and go out of them just as fast. Loss is inevitable and will occur on a regular basis – that’s the cycle of life… how we cope with loss is extremely important in order to be a fully-functional and healthy human being.
Although, like I mentioned, losing “things” sucks and sometimes hurts when it is something near and dear to our hearts; the loss of a person in our lives is probably the worst type of loss. It’s that kind of loss that I am asked about frequently and that kind of loss that we’ve all experienced so I will talk about that kind of loss here.
One day a person is in your life…the other they are not. Perhaps it’s a loved one who has died. This is a very difficult loss in that the person’s life here on Earth has come to a close and there is nothing you can do to bring them back. Although a death of a loved one is difficult, most people realize death is inevitable in all of us and within their own time and within their own way heal their emotions and come to some sort of understanding and way to cope with the biological death of a loved one.
This is a phenomenon that happens more and more in today’s world. Given that people come in and out of our lives either in the physical realm or in the virtual realm, it is easy to see how someone can be “here” today and literally “gone” tomorrow! Our world is fast-paced and people now move around constantly for a variety of reasons. We meet people at work, at functions, or elsewhere and begin to establish friendships and bonds. Perhaps they move into the house next door…who knows…but a friendship and bond is established. Then one day, they get a job transfer, go off to school, or just up and move on. The friendship or bond is suddenly broken and without warning. They are gone. It’s over. The chances of you staying in touch with them after they have moved on are slim to none in all reality. We’ve all had this happen to us. We have a great neighbor or friend and then one day, their career, schooling, or other family obligations cause them to up and leave. There is an empty spot where they once were within us. Our mojo is less than full at that point.
The transient nature of our society today has caused friendships and bonds between people to also be transient and situation-dependent. Where once people knew each other their entire lives because they were place-bound; now people come in go in our lives faster than we can turn around a lot of times. I challenge you to name your co-workers or classmates from 15 years ago. If you can name them – great! If you can name them, then I simply ask you how many of those co-workers or classmates do you stay in regular (at least once a month) contact with? The vast majority of people would say that they do not stay in regular contact, if at all, with people from 15 years ago. It’s amazing how transient and how temporary our friendships and even deep-love interests have become as society has become increasingly mobile and online.
Additionally, our virtual-online world is vast and we get an email here or an instant message there from people all the time. Some times we form friendships, bonds, and perhaps more with that person just like we do in the physical world. Things are going well and those bonds are formed over the net…the online world…virtual bonds that are as strong as any in the physical world. Then one day we email or send our friend an instant message and POOF! they have vanished…never to be heard from again…never to return those emails or to send another instant message. In many ways, this vanishing is the worst of all. There is no reason, there is no contact, and you are forever left wondering what happened to the person. As with death and someone moving on in the physical world; in the virutal world or in online relationships, there is no closure. You are left hanging. Left to make up your own scenario as to why the other person will not answer your emails or answer your instant messages. In many ways, it’s the most hurtful and cruel.
DWI – Loss
Given the nature of our society and what was previously discussed, it’s important to know how to Deal With It concerning loss. Whether the loss is in the physical world or in the online virtual world, it’s important to try and focus on the positive aspects of the relationship you DID have with the person. In the case of death, countless volumes have been written on how to deal with death and grieving so I will not go into that here except to say that by focusing on the positive things you remember about the deceased, you will be able to get strength and energy knowing that they enriched your life in the time that you knew them. It’s age-old advice but it is so true – Don’t dwell on the fact that the person is dead, rather dwell on what wonderful things they contributed to life when they were living!
When it comes to dealing with loss in the virtual world, it behooves us to remember what I’ve said time and time again – each person that comes into our lives effects us and puts their unique stamp on our lives…for this we should be grateful! For every person we encounter, no matter how short of a time, is a piece to our puzzle…a tile in our mosaic…and a breath in our lives. If we look at it this way, the loss (or the poof) of a person in the virtual world, no matter how irrational or how blunt and sudden it may be, can be seen as a positive. When I say this it’s not so say that it doesn’t hurt…just like a death…it hurts…hurts badly…but as in anything, if you look at the wonderful moments that you had – be they real or be they in your mind, then you are more likely to get through the loss. Like I mentioned before in the virtual world so many people come and go and are here one minute then without explanation they vanish never to be seen again…it’s the non-closure that hurts…the non-closure that makes people sad…the non-closure that just seems down-right rude in many senses.
In essence, dealing with loss is difficult in any realm. No matter how you slice it, losing a friend, a loved one, or even just an aquaintence is always difficult. Many of you had mentioned the difficulty of losing someone and having them just vanish…poof from your life…so I hope this has helped somewhat to focus on the positves and the wonderful breath of fresh air the person or persons brought into your life in the time they were “there.” Learn from each and everyone that comes into your lives and your life will be enriched tenfold.
Hey everyone. I just started a Twitter account! (http://www.twitter.com) For those of you who are on Twitter and want to follow me and my tid-bits of motivational mojo – my twitter account is “drmikeposey” I hope to see some of you there!
Have a GREAT DAY and keep your motivational mojo pumping!
A couple of podcasts ago, I talked about mastering the soft stuff. A favorite, unknown source quote of mine is:
“The Hard Stuff is easy. The Soft Stuff is hard.
It’s the Soft Stuff that makes all the Difference!”
This rings so true when trying to muster our own motivational mojo. We can learn the hard stuff…for instance, we can learn to build a bridge. It’s hard, or difficult but we can learn it. However, can we learn what is going on inside of someone’s head? THAT is the real hard stuff. It’s almost impossible to know what people are thinking and what their intentions are and why they do what they do. We can learn to perform heart surgery or replace a broken heart valve, but God help us if we can figure out what our spouse or significant other was thinking when they did “that” – whatever “that” may be!
When we finally realize that the soft stuff is what is difficult, we will find our motivational mojo growing and getting better and better. We will find that the way we interact with people will begin to improve and we will actually discover that others are not being belligerent or mean, rather they are trying to understand us and get to know what makes us who we are. Once we realize this fact, we can begin to accept that we may never know why that person just did whatever it was that they did and allow ourselves to accept it and just be. This takes a huge burden off our shoulders…we give ourselves permission to stop trying to figure out this person and just “be” with this person…for what and who they are. Fights will stop…positive feelings will emerge and we’ll begin to just “be” instead of fighting against everything or getting frustrated because we’re trying to “figure them out.”
In essence, to maximize your motivational mojo, take the time to understand that soft stuff. And as for the hard stuff…forgetaboutit!
Doing the Motivational Mojo Podcast each week has been a great experience. We’ve been getting quite a few of regular downloads on iTunes of our podcast so there’s obviously some folks out there who like what they hear. It’s very heartening to know that people are listening. I hope we can keep the momentum going and help to maximize everyone’s motivational mojo!!
These past few months have been rather hectic with many things happening in my own life…most have been very stressful and many that could have caused my own motivational mojo meltdown. Fortunately though these weekly podcasts have helped ME to keep practicing what I preach. So many times we “know” how to keep our mojo motivated, but that knowledge gets bogged down in the day-to-day stuff called life. Pretty soon with all the stuff happening, we forget to maintain our motivational mojo by taking stock of who we are. Taking a few minutes out of the day or a small chunk out of the week can help us to gain stock of where we are, where we’ve been, and where we want to go. It can help us to get there…to keep the eyes to on the prize so-to-speak. I know doing these podcasts each week have helped maintain my motivational mojo…hopefully the Motivational Mojo Podcasts will help maintain yours too!